Memory returns after trauma in a form that is usually a few months or years premature to the event that caused its dissapearance. Throught my investigations, I have had to reexperience the erronious thinking of childhood. I relived, for example, the period of my life when I thought Zaineb was really my mother because of believing her when she said that to me. I even relived the period of time when I was being raised as a man, which was as weird for me as it was for all the witnesses, but I still think I make a better man than most loosly claiming the title today.
When I went to Japan with my biological father, the trip coincided with a tour of duty undertaken by the mercenary group my husband belongs to. One among that group was a body double to Hirohito, as my husband looks nothing like him and is way too tall to take on that roll. Actually that person is a far too close relative of his, due to an unfortunate expeirmental phase in my husband's young life. While my husband had long been dug up from western china where his mother sent him when she decided to be a future empress than a potential emperial mother after a long widdowhood (no one told him she was his mother when he was dug up)despite his actual position he never learned court ways. He actually went back to western china after our sister was sent there because, though they needed him to keep up apearances, they had no control over him.
At that time I was completely confused about his position, my position, the real story and the cover story.
The cover story from my father's point of view was that he brought me to Kyoto to learn poetry so I could write for him. He left me alone in the house for days, where I must have stared blankly at the walls. In reality my friend Keko and sometimes other friends would visit me. We would do normal Japanese girl things till my father would happen to stop by and everyone would leave like they hadn't been there.
She like to play dolls more than me, and I thought that was funny cause I was always the one to drive people crazy with wanting to play dolls. I joked that she must be younger than me. I think it was just that she knew I was probably the last person who would be willing to play dolls with her.
Sometimes we went out. The last night I was in Japan my father was trying to pressure Hirohito into giving him his seat at the No play that night and he refused. He used to go but he always sat in the commoner seats and I guess he wanted to impress someone. He went anyway and took his usual seat and then there was a slight murmer in the theater and he turned around and saw me seated in the seat Hirohito wouldnt give him, surrounded by a very interesting assemblage of ladies. Livid, he put me on the next cargo plane out.
