I've been telling this story since it happened, and though the events dont change, my perception of them does. Like when it first happened I didnt know that Gary was trying to pray, I had no idea what he was doing. I also wasnt angry or scared, but a little confused.
In the years that have passed since then I have realized what happened. So that when I tried to pray later or when I slept in the bed and room where it happened, I would feel confused, betrayed, angry, degraded, did I say betrayed? and a lot of other strong emotions. I would feel sick to my stomach and deeply distrustful because of the words I had been told "this man is your father" and so I am reminded not to accept the definition of any relationship as it is given to me and I am reminded that authority can only control so much and that ouside of its sight far beyond normal unpleasantries can happen and that accidents only effect the one they befall and not the one who besets them.
Though I will remind you all of this from time to time, I will not remind myself of this five times a day.
