Why are you so freaked out by sex? So much that you assume private thoughts must be diabolical conspiracies, but you know, if I were ever to plot a diabolical conspiracy, I would have to put my codes in sex, because you would all freak out or something else long before figuring out what I was really up to.
Mom and Dad told me that I wasnt covered by the artificial restrictions time and circumstance were placing on them, and while they would boldly discuss what they were really practicing if they thought it would benifit someone, they were not allowed to and so it fell to me. Dad was a bit annoyed that my fantasies about his personas and even him were so damn mild. He was worried there was something really wrong with me. Mom told him to mellow for a minute while she checked something out, and it turned out that all my lusting after old men neruons were taken up by Hirohito, which startled and pleased them both greatly.(after that they checked again and saw that I could imagine all the ramifications of slinking around their environment to have an affair with my dad, that it was a little amplified by people trying to get me to do other inapropriate things, and it was because of this amplification and the dangers of my real environment that I wasnt entertaining these thought blips when they came up, so they decided it would be better if mom seduced me, though I suspect they had that planned all along and my thoughts only reinforced the justifications for their standard decision in this type of case)
The adult mind is capable of doing a lot of self adjusting and truth revealing in the imaginary or cooperative mental relationships that we have silently and privately in our quiet moments. But while I have a lot of ideas about what benifit I recieve from them beyond the sexual, there is no way to share this benifit with others without explaining that I was thinking about sexual interaction involving not just one person, but his environment and those around him, their reactions and my reactions and feelings and all the social implications. This is what my parents mean by expanding your practice, because though people tend to not tell them, they feel strongly that when you have thoughts of this nature, you focus only on the object of your desire without circumstances, and thus you lose 90% or more of the benifit you could gain.
Now, because I can they want me to be more specific about what I was thinking last night but its hard to know where to start.
In the past, my husband was resistant to casting our children on the wind, but the only way to empty the blond emperial conception vault since it was irrevocably locked once he was removed is to entice them to take new births and my husband and I are the only ones capable of calling them out at this time. So he has started visiting me monthly and we call out two at a time. At first he told me I had seen his real apearance in my dream and this turned me on, then he found out he didnt have to rush so since the upstairs neighbor was having a fit and I couldnt sleep anyway we thought about a lot of things. One of the things was the circumstances of our last meeting in Kyoto when he had me yell out in english everything we were doing togeather so that everyone in in the palace could hear. I was not just imagining doing those things and yelling about them but the reactions of various people in the house. He had one official concubine who thought it was very romantic, sons who had mixed feelings, a wife saying that she had done all that but would never consider talking about it let alone yelling it, and in english even worse, then she complained about the terms I was using saying things like "the emperor does not have a "butthole"". Some one said that it was wrong to make me do those things without having done other things first but the concubine explained that that person really didnt understand what it was like and some stuff I understood but cant explain, and in the background a very angry princess who was the guest of honor for our little show.
Hirohito had had this night planned for a very long time, he had adopted the princess on purpose, taken a concubine on purpose, and new exactly what I needed to yell for things to go as he wanted. He was very old, and had expressed that he would no longer be taking the aging treatments as he felt they would really kill him so that he would leave soon, then he takes up cavorting with a very young woman, and people were angry that he would put me in a position of spending my "prime years" in emperial mourning, But he felt that doing so would be his only chance of leaving yet meeting my dad's condition that he leave without officially abdicating. This was hard, because the princess was a stickler for protocol and while the others would forget about it, she would insist and remember and see to recording it, unless he left while she was recording something else.
He had been pushing her to record me as an official concubine, but they would not let me leave the palace so that he could call be back and thus it would have been required. When asked about this, the princess said I was nice for an urchin bumpkin and that I didnt deserve such an ordeal, but hearing me screaming out these things she lost all kindness towards me and went to write in the record that I was a concubine of the highest degree and required to mourn 20 years. And while she was writing that down Hirohito left the building and never returned.
After this I started thinking about what it would be like to do some things to him that I can only do with my real body, unmodified, and I thought about jannah and how allah knows what is in our deepest heart and he doesnt look away during these moments, and how when I was a child in viet nam I used to think about how all of the women in jannah were happy to use their three breasts on their men's two cocks but that none of those women had kept their three in the world. I also wondered what my wings would be doing while we had sex if we werent flying.
Mom and Dad told me to think about things like this, and explain things this way in a metaphorical manner. They told me in an implying but totally straight way that they were unable to take the socially unacceptable aspects out of the teachings they wanted to give and yet leave them still effective. I dont think I was alone to assume they meant the pagan refrencing stuff. I told them I could and they said even if thats true please dont.
