People who reach a certain level of maturity in similar circumstances tend to reach the same conclusions. These conclusions are usually in direct opposition to what the young hormonal people want to do with their time and energy, even though its pretty easy to reach a consensus among all reasonable people of all walks of life on these issues. So many communities have found the same common ground so many times over that we sometimes forget how much resistance the younger people will put up to these commonly accepted truths. But we know we also bucked the system at that age and the only difference between those who mature here or behind bars or six feet under is the amount of energy we used to buck, lower being more adaptive. I'm not saying dont kick at the walls, I sure did a lot of that, but there are limits and you have to know them when you find them. As little as my university education has done for me (other than help me better answer Dad's question "why dont you have a phd) it all could have ended my second year back if I had said yes instead of no to a request by the school for my medical records, and they would have accused me of cooking and endangering others when I was the one being endangered, so I dont really have a lot of patience with people who want to talk about me like I'm white. Though that would have changed nothing in my financial status or ability to earn, it would have changed a lot in my anger, and I might have bucked a lot harder than I could survive.
Some people don't care about this stuff, they want to try things other people have failed at over and over again and again. They are going to be the one, because for some reason they believe in their potential. I was on the same trip when I went to school, but some are on that trip when they try to make me a prostitute, or threaten such action. If you understood how many people had failed at that you would pick another battle.
There was a point to my entering school knowing already I would go nowhere. I wanted to see how they shut me out, I wanted to describe what they were doing, and I also wanted to tame my own reactions and refine them and make them more effective. Unfortunately if you keep threatening to make me a prostitute, because you don't know me and some one likes you for the job, the people who prevent you from success at that dont drive home to nice neighborhoods at night and have no appearances to keep up. Or rather they have appearances to keep up and they like you for that.
I don't want bad press in your community. I hate the disparity, and I wish the basis for the need of so many personas (which are not stereotypes but real demeanors that people wear as masks to pacify people who have assumptions and some power) would disappear, but until it does the little differences individual people have dont really interest me that much except in family settings. I only need to assess how someone is likely to interact with me and react to me, and few people of any background manage to surprise me any more.
I know a lot of things intellectually that would make you more comfortable with me, and make things easier for all of us, but I also have to go through my own process to get to practice on these issues. If you succeed in being patient with me for this, I can justify more patience towards you on the things you have to work out for yourself. but life is still cheap, getting cheaper, and there is still a line. (and if you steal that line so help me god)
*If I could stop and talk, when I did still stop and talk, I would tell people that they should try the things they know will make "them" angry, and I did this thing myself. Again I moved not one inch, but I learned about my environment and the real and imaginary dangers in it. You know there would be consequences to trying to get a job, but do it the fuck anyway. Make them do the real work, dont pretend like they've already done it. It may seem to you that the work you do to provoke them that bad is much more than the work they will spend to retaliate but make them do that work, you aren't doing anything, cant go anywhere, they might plant evidence on you any day any way, but if you try them you might find help from people who agree with what you are doing, while no one cares if you avoid them and live up to their stereotypes and you are on your own for that*
